Solution: Prepare some healthy snacks like cut up fruit or vegetables and leave them in the fridge. If you decide to grab something to eat why not eat a healthy treat.

2. “I Shouldn’t Eat That.” Societal messages glorifying the importance of thinness has led to restrictive dieting tendencies in teens and young adults. By creating rules and guidelines around which foods are forbidden, it can lead to an endless cycle of restriction, breaking “the plan” and then feeling guilty and self-loathing as a result. To numb the negative feelings either the cycle of over-indulgence in restricted food continues or one may engage in harmful restricting or purging behaviors to try to cope.

Solution: Focus instead on healthy eating habits and exercise habits in general. Become aware of distorted thinking patterns and begin to challenge them or get a more balanced and realistic point of view. Focus on your overall physical well-being and health. Remember no harm will be done if you allow yourself to eat foods high in fat in moderation occasionally. Maintain a normal blood sugar level by eating small amounts every 3 hours. If binging, purging or restricting are occurring, seek advice from a Licensed Professional Counselor or Psychologist as these compulsive behaviors have very serious health risks attached to them.

3. “I Don’t Have Any Energy.”- After spending your day studying, working or both, you feel drained and tired. When you are experiencing low levels of energy you may reach for food to give us a boost. Feeling stressed or lacking vitality may cause you to reach for foods high in sugar, salt or carbohydrates. Although this may give us energy in the short-term, in the long-term it results in a depletion of energy.

Solution: Give yourself proper nutrition on a regulate basis to improve your energy level. Reach for foods high in vitamins and nutrients such as protein, nuts, fruits and vegetable, and carbohydrates high in fiber to give you some get up and go. Become aware of your low-energy periods of the day and substitute them with other activities for eating. Participate in alternative behaviors like taking a walk, chatting with friends, taking a break and getting a drink of water, relaxing, reading a book or listening to music that is positive and energizing.

4. Habits- Your daily routine is not as healthy as it could be and your habits may be so automatic that you are not even aware of them. If we have difficulty managing stress or have a lack of physical activity we may feel out of balance. Excessive eating may become an unhealthy coping mechanism for dealing with emotions. Since overeating could have a ritualistic nature, your tendencies can occur at specific times in the day or in particular places.

Solution: Begin incorporating stress reduction tactics into your daily routine (i.e. exercise, yoga, meditation, journal, watch a funny movie, etc.). Become aware of your triggers and tendencies and change you routine.  Get a hobby that interests you. Address feelings of depression, anger and anxiety and reach out to a friend or a Licensed Professional Counselor for help.

5. “I Hate My Body.” If you are having difficulty accepting your body you may only be focusing on what is wrong and missing the big picture. There can be various thought distortions like: all-or-nothing thinking, over-generalization or catastrophic thinking, which are skewing your perspective and causing you to have an irrational view of yourself, the world, or the situation.

Solution: Seek professional advice from a dietitian or psychologist who will help you overcome these feelings of self-loathing and map out a plan to increase your self-esteem and improve your body-image. Identify your gifts, qualities and talents that you possess and celebrate those gifts daily.

6. Feeling Stressed Out!!!- You have pressures coming at you from different directions and are left feeling discouraged and overwhelmed. You spend a lot of your energy trying to live up to other people’s expectations or feel discouraged by other people’s remarks that you are exhausted. If you tend to be a perfectionist you may set such high and unrealistic expectations that you feel constantly defeated. Reaching for comfort food may be a way of coping with feeling out of control in your internal world.

Solution: Have compassion for yourself and take time out of your daily schedule to focus on self-care and relaxation is vital to your overall well-being. When our bodies are in a constant state of high alert our body releases toxic chemicals such as adrenaline, hormones, and cortisol. In order to prevent your stress level from passing the threshold, is important to give yourself permission to slow down. 

Take 5 minutes to breath and activate the parasympathetic system that calms down your central nervous system. Only then will your body be able to restore its natural balance and regulate your emotional and physiological system.

Learning to manage your emotions can lead to long-term success in life, instead of the temporary solution of turning to food or compulsive behaviors to cope. If you feel emotional eating is a problem, it may be wise to work with a counselor trained in eating disorders to help you create a healthy lifestyle and improve your quality of life.

1. Get physically active. Whether it is going on a bike ride or going on a day trip to a nearby town or city, getting physically active is a great way to change the routine and dynamics in your relationship. Plus getting some exercise reduces your level of stress, improves your mood and alters serotonin levels.

2. Getting Playful and Creative. Maintaining your youthful spirit and childlike nature can keep things light in your relationship. Some suggestions include: having friends over for a game night, being silly and humorous with one another, or getting playful and creative in the bedroom. These activities allow you to have fun with each other and grow closer together, rather than becoming bored and feeling disconnected from the one you love.

3. Being a Life-long Learner. Take a class together and learn something new. Whether it is taking a dance class, signing up for a cooking lesson or going to an interesting seminar or workshop being mentally engaged with your partner can add vitality to the relationship. Plus it can add some variety to your general topics of conversation.

4. Be Spontaneous and Try Something New. Use your imagination and brainstorm together various activities you would each like to try. Then create a list of places you would like to go (i.e. restaurants, cities, etc.). Then randomly select an event or place each week and have some fun.

5. Have a Date Night Once A Week. Often times when there are children involved, a couples time becomes limited and become impatient with their partner. In order to curb this potential challenge and create some boundaries, it is recommended to establish a weekly date night for the couple to reconnect and add some romance to the relationship. Hiring a babysitter or asking friends and family to give you a night off will allow you to nurture your partner and rekindle the spark on a weekly basis.

For more information on how to improve your relationship visit my website at http://www.truepotentialcounseling.com/go/contact/

1. Remember Rome Wasn’t Built In A Day: Cultural adjustment takes time. Be fair with yourself. Expect that integration into a new culture can be challenging. Be patient with yourself you are in a process of learning.
2. Compare Notes: Chat with other expatriates you know and share your experiences with one another.
3. You Got Skills Girlfriend: List your accomplishments, internal resources and transferable skills that you possess and apply them to your current life circumstance. If you do not possess those skills, develop the necessary skills. Some examples include mindfulness and stress reduction techniques.
4. Spread Your Wings So You Can Fly: Research about your new location, seek out expat clubs, business associations, sporting groups and other social clubs (ask to be included before you leave home or get involved today).
5. Muster Up The Courage: Explore your new community because it will give you a sense of control.
6. Be Alert Of Signs Of Mental Illness: An expatriate assignment, like any significant life change, can worsen or even precipitate mental illness such as depression, anxiety or a range of adjustment disorders. The expatriate who experiences deep and persistent adjustment difficulty or mood changes, or observes the same in a family member, should seek the advice of a mental health professional.
7. Learn The Local Language: Learn the basics before you go to lower the impact of culture shock on arrival or begin learning today.
8. Try To Leave Judgments Behind: Try your hardest not to compare your new location with your old location…comparing will hinder your ability to settle in…accept that different people and cultures have different ways of operating this can help you reduce nasty culture shock.
9. Smile: Despite it being hard sometimes, try to shift your mood and turn that frown upside down.
10. Reframe From Regret To Rejoicing: Although you need to acknowledge the grief and loss of your career/job and your friends and family, you can also look at this transition as an opportunity. Celebrate that you have the freedom and time to do what you have always wanted, explore your new surroundings, travel to new countries and meet new people, start your own business, pursue higher education, get healthy, pursue a new hobby, learn a new language, give back, take culture classes, spend more quality time with your partner and kids, learn about the stock market, take your time to relax and get balanced…the possibilities are endless.

For additional resources, support or counseling you can visit my website at True Potential Counseling. I am an English speaking Counselor who provides counseling to expats, business men and women abroad, and cross-cultural couples.

1. Go To Bed Early (Before 10pm) And Wake Up Early (Before 8am)- Too much sleep can leave you feeling lethargic and too little can leave you feeling depleted.  Everyone’s internal system is different, so test out different sleeping routines to see what works best for you.  Discovering the ideal amount of sleep you need based on your body type and lifestyle, will be a major lifesaver.

2. Turn On The Light- First thing in the morning open up the window and let some sunlight in, preferably natural sunlight.  However, if you live in a region of the world where natural sunlight is rare, artificial light will do.  Expose to light in the morning sends an important signal to our brain that nighttime is over and the day has begun.  This can literally and figuratively add a ray of sunshine to the start of your day.

3. Get Moving- Do some light yoga or go to the gym and exercise for at least 30 minutes in the morning.  Getting your body going allows you to loosen your muscles and get your joints hydrated during the cold winter months. Also taking your time to meditate and become presently aware is very important in enhancing well-being.

4. Take A Refreshing Shower- This can get you ready for a fresh new day during those cold winter months by warming up your bones and getting your circulation going.

5. Get Social- Getting connected with other people, either in your neighborhood or meeting up with a friend, can really lift your spirits and add some joy to your day.

I’d also love to hear from you.  Please comment below and share your suggestions for preventing the wintertime blues.  For more information, you can also visit my website at http://www.truepotentialcounseling.com/go/contact/

1. Ask yourself, “What Do I Want My Child To Learn?”: Your role as a parent is very similar to the role of a teacher.  When dealing with your child’s difficult behavior, it is important to think about what you want to teach your child whenever you want to get a message across to them.  For instance, if they are struggling with getting their homework in on time, teaching them organizational skills or time management skills would be helpful.

2.  Setting Limits- Setting boundaries with your child does not mean that you are being uncaring, but rather are being practical and realistic about what is and what is not possible. As a parent do you ever fall into the emotional trap of guilt, fear, frustration or reactivity? If so, you are not alone.  A simple way to avoid getting caught up in the emotional parenting trap is by focusing on your child’s behavior, rather than on the emotional state of the moment.  This will provide you with a compass on how to maneuver through the situation, because you will no longer be getting caught up in the power struggles, the emotional drama, or the internal guilt trip that clouds your judgment, but rather will be able to address the real problem; your child’s disruptive behavior at home. Also be aware of your child’s ability to turn one parent against the other and prevent this from happening by remaining a united parental team.

3.  Establish New Rules- You teach your child how to treat you. You child is behaving negatively because they have the perception and attitude that you as the parent have lost control.  You can begin reclaiming your role as the parent and your sense of control by clearly establishing new rules in the household and defining what behaviors are unacceptable.  Then outline the consequences that will ensue as a result of his/her behavior and FOLLOW THROUGH on those consequences. This part if very important.  If you want your child to begin taking you seriously, you too need to be serious and follow-through on the consequences that you establish.  If not, the same behavior will continue to occur, leaving you powerless and a hostage in your own home.  The choice is yours.

Please feel free to comment below on how these tips were beneficial and share techniques you have used that have been successful.  For more information please visit my website at http://www.truepotentialcounseling.com/go/contact/

A foreigner can can continually fluctuate from each of these phases over the course of 1 month to 3+ years.  Some symptoms you may experience if you are having difficulty adjusting is feeling depressed, anxious, withdrawing, becoming angry or reactive, overeating, under eating, loneliness, having difficulty in your relationships with your spouse or your children, feeling restless or sleeping all the time or abusing substances like alcohol.  If you are in need of emotional support or are interested in getting on the fast track on alleviating your distress around adaptation and assimilation please contact me at http://www.truepotentialcounseling.com/go/contact/.  I am located in Europe and provide individual and couple’s counseling to expats in Milan, Italy and online counseling to English speakers overseas and in the USA.

This message is powerful because it is a pure and authentic view of love that has a felt-sense of warmth and beauty.  Often times if a couple is arguing with each other, dealing with insurmountable problems or are dealing with a personal struggle, it is likely that either one or both parties have lost touch with love and have gone down the ally way of fear and darkness.  When this happens it is important for the couple to reconnect with the powerful light of love to guide them home back to a place of safety, comfort, and hope.  Sometimes this ally way is so dark and is filled with so many obstacles, that a couple needs the help of a Marriage Counselor to brighten up the path ahead.  If you are interested in reconnecting with your partner and getting back into the arms of the one you love, feel free to contact me at http://www.truepotentialcounseling.com/go/contact/

Making a promise is easy; however, the endeavor to consistently follow through on those promises can be daunting at times.  Periodically we find it easier to agree to undertaking an impossible task as opposed to facing the discomfort of saying no to someone.  Although being honest about our limitations can be unpleasant for us and disappointing to others on occasions, being a person of integrity and sincerity is a valuable asset. Being trustworthy and reliable is our most powerful possession because it not only develops our character but also cultivates a sense of safety and security in our personal and professional relationships.

If you do catch yourself in a lie, reflect on your motivation for hiding the truth.  And if you fall into the trap of not keeping your word, simply acknowledge it and make amends immediately.   By following through on your commitments and agreements you prove you are worthy of trust and demonstrate to others your value for integrity and honesty.  If you would like additional assistance or desire counseling services, feel free to visit my website at www.TruePotentialCounseling.com.

Secondly, plan for power hours. You can do so by asking yourself, “What are the most effective things I can be doing?” Often times procrastination and our micromanagement of our time keeps us stuck or running aimlessly in the hamster wheel of our lives; therefore, taking time to generate ideas for an hour actually may make us more effective, efficient and cut out all those wasted hours on menusha. It may be uncomfortable at first to break the routine and habitual patterns, but it will save you a lot time and energy in the long run and will allow your creative juices to flow more easily.

Next make new friends. Get out there ans expose yourself to new relationships and ideas that open your eyes to new possibilities. This can also help you identify and break bad habits that hinder you from doing your best work.

Fourth, stay energized and manage your energy. Don’t overwhelm yourself by pressuring yourself to pursue each of your ideas on a short deadline. This creates a lot of unnecessary stress and leads to chaos, frustration and havoc. It is important to regularly prune your work life and personal life by removing things that are not necessary.

Lastly, is to gain focus by defining the problem we are wanting to solve and establishing a goal on how to resolve the issue. By defining the problem and setting a destination, we can have the useful information to move forward and to identify what we are wanting to achieve.

This article was inspired by Todd Henry’s book The Accidental Creative: How to Be Brilliant at a Moment’s Notice. For more information on how to harness your own brilliance please contact me at www.TruePotentialCounseling.com

a) Exercise to alleviate stress.
b) Journaling your thoughts and feelings
c) Visualization of a safe and comforting place
d) Muscle progression- where you tighten and release each muscle of the body one at a time.
e) Sharing your feelings and needs with your significant other and if that is not possible social supports or a licensed professional counselor.
f) Breathing exercises
g) Yoga
h) Seeking marital counseling to get back to that loving feelings with your partner and out of the negative cycle that you both keep getting stuck in

For more details of assistance you can visit my website at www.TruePotentialCounseling.com

• What do you consider clean or dirty?  How often do you clean?  Rate your own level of cleanliness and the level of cleanliness of your partner now.  Compare your answers.  Then each write a list of potential household tasks.  Brainstorm how you will delegate responsibilities.
• How many hours do you work? What does your sleep look like? Are you a morning person or a night person?  What time do you wake up during the week?  What time do you go to bed?  What time do you wake up and go to bed on the weekends?
• How do you typically like to spend your time during the week?  During the weekends?
• Do prefer to live in a city, the country or suburbs?  Are you willing to relocate if necessary?
• What type of food do you typically eat? Do you eat at home? How often?  Do you eat out? How often? Do you drink alcohol or do drugs? How often? How much? Do you like to entertain/go out or do you prefer to stay in and be a homebody?
• Rate the energy level of yourself and your partner.  Compare each others scores and discuss.
• Rate each others temperament from easygoing to reactive.  Compare each others scores and discuss.  Give examples if necessary.
• How much money do you currently spend a month?  Are you a saver or spender?  Discuss your current debts, assets, monthly budget, monthly expenses and monthly income.  Write a list of expenses and discuss how you as a couple will organize your finances. Discuss how often you would like to have a date night and vacations.  Decide if money will be communal or separate; if expenses will be split evenly or in proportion to each person’s income.
• Have each partner rate their ideal frequency of sex or cuddle time.  Discuss personal sexual fantasies, emotional intimacy needs, etc.
• Each partner will eflect on their family value blueprint by identifying 5 adjectives or phrases to describe the qualities that were valued in their family of origin. Secondly, each partner will discuss their perspective on the role of the opposite gender. For example:  A wife is responsible for or provides X to the family…(list 3) A husband is responsible for or provides X to the family…(list 3)).

By taking the time to do this with your partner, it will provide  each of you with a clearer understanding of your partner and allowing you to enter into this decision with eyes wide open.  Sometimes these topics may be more complex or require the assistance of a Marriage Counselor to help you get unstuck and get resolution in the relationship.  For more information visit my website at www.TruePotentialCounseling.com.

If you are single, you may want to write a letter to your future mate and be as descriptive as possible as to the type of man or woman you want as your partner. If you are in partnership, write a letter about the qualities and characteristics you most admire in your mate and the qualities that you offer to the relationship. Then describe how you as a couple would move through those areas of challenge in a new way (please use the present tense as though it is already a reality today). Also shed light on the areas in which you would like to show up differently in the relationship and then describe how you envision yourself to be in the future.

Be creative and leave out any judgments towards self and your partner. Trust your vision. When the pathways seems dark, learn to be comfortable with these glimpses of light that guide you towards the vision for your relationship and your life. Sometimes these dark areas can be challenging to maneuver and the support and guidance from a professional may be necessary. If you need additional help please visit www.TruePotentialCounseling.com today.

For more information on how to begin this process you can visit www.TruePotentialCounseling.com

1. Commit In Writing: A suggestion is for both partners to commit in writing to ending criticism and blame and recommitting each time that agreement is broken. In writing this contract is is recommended to avoid modifiers such as: better, more, greater, etc.
2. Blame Jar: create a blame jar and everytime either partner blames the other they are required to pay a fine and put money in the blame jar.
3. Humor and Encouragement: incorporate a sense of humor and remember to applaud and appreciate your partner through words of affirmation and encouragement
4. Growth: keep in mind that each partner may grow at a different rate in their awareness and that the couple does not required to evolve at the same rate. Remember that the relationship is big enough for you to be who you are and grow as an individual and still be connected to your parnter.
5. Flexibility: it is important for both people in the relationship to be flexible to different points of view and an openness to creative and personal growth.
6. Get Real Conversations: engaging in genuine, honest and healing conversations where you own and acknowledge your own contribution to the problem rather than avoiding them. You can do so by shifting from a blaming or self-blaming stance to an “I wonder how I can shift to create the shift I want in my relationship…”

For more information on how to create this shift in your relationship with your partner, please visit: www.TruePotentialCounseling.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ijqkun6jtg

Can you think of areas in your life where you feel stuck and may benefit from freeing yourself from the painful memories of the past?  Could you imagine living into a more fullfilling present and future?  What do you think of this appproach?  Would you find it helpful in your personal or professional growth?  How might this not be the approach for you?  What would you need to help you along your healing journey?  

Feel free to comment below on your thoughts or reflections after viewing this video and reading this post.  To inquire about how you could schedule an EMDR session, please visit www.TruePotentialCounseling.com.

1) Fear that if we open up to our full success and potential, we will outshine others.
2) Fear that if we open up to our full success and potential, we are being disloyal to our roots.
3) Fear that if we open up to our full success and potential, we will be a burden to the world.
4) Fear that if we open up to our full success and potential, our fundamental flaws will be exposed to the world.

Often times we can hide from our own awareness of our own fears, discomfort and insecurities; however, when we are in a relationship these issues gets pulled up to the surface. Instead of shining our light on these aspects of ourselves, we can fall into the trap of blaming our partner, defending ourselves or a variety of other defense mechanisms. However, if we lean into the discomfort and explore these aspects of ourselves with curiosity, wonder and introspection we can deepen our awarenss of ourselves and become open to change.

For more information on how you and your partner can create change in your relationship, please visit www.TruePotentialCounseling.com. Photos provided by http://www.kellyandersonphotography.com/

1) Let go of being offended- Being offended creates the same destructive energy that offended you in the first place and leads to conflict, resentment, restlessness and a guarded heart.

2) Let go of the need to win- Share your observations, feelings and needs with grace. love and respect while also seeking to understand your partner.  Regulate your own emotions when triggered and take a time out if you or your partner need to calm down. 

3) Let go of your need to be right-  I have seen people end some of the most beautiful relationships by sticking to their need to be right.  When you let go of your need to being right you reconnect to love your greatest source of power and inner strength.  A helpful question to ask yourself is, Do I want to be right or happy?

4)  Let go of your need to be superior- focus on your personal growth instead of exhausting your energy on changing or teaching your partner the “right” way to be, act or feel.  Use this situations as an opportunity to reflect and expand your ability to love and accept yourself and your partner.   However, if it is an abusive relationship the circumstances are much more complex; therefore, I suggest seeking additional support in therapy, friends, or support group.

5)  Let go of your need to have more- detach yourself from the need of having more and be grateful and satisfied with the blessings you currently have in your life and your relationship.    Otherwise, you will be constantly dissatisfied, never feel that you have enough and will be relentlessly striving for more to no avail.  By appreciating the abundance in your present situation you will be planting seeks of gratitude for a more fruitful future.

6)  Let go of your reputation- Other people’s opinion of you is none of your business.  Instead listen to your heart and live your life according to your inner voice.  Take responsibility for what does lie inside of you your character, your words, your actions and leave your reputation for others to debate.

7)  Let go of fear- Often times when in conflict with our partner, we either consciously or unconsciously, shield ourselves from hurt and protect our hearts.  This fear keeps us from simply being with and trusting our partner.  When we begin to see reality through our heart and not our heads, we open ourselves up to new power, new opportunities for growth, to greater harmony, love and joy in our lives.

For additional couple counseling needs visit www.TruePotentialCounseling.com

Photos provided by http://www.kellyandersonphotography.com/

Some solutions for these array of obstacles are the following:

SWOLLEN BREASTS and SORE NIPPLES:  It is suggested to apply warm compresses to your breasts prior and after feedings or whenever you feel pain.  Another option is to soak in a warm tub of water to help relieve the pain.  An alternative is to alternate between ice packs and warm compresses if you are not breastfeeding.  Since Using an ice pack will inhibit milk flow this therapy is not suggested only before feedings.  Hydration is also very important.  Drinking at least eight to ten 8 oz. glasses of water every day is recommended.   Also be sure to eat a diet high in fiber and vitamin C.  This will help remove toxins from the body and keep your skin hydrated.  Stay away from spicy or processed foods, since this can slow down your digestion and create further inflammation.

STOMACH ISSUES:   If your newborn is having stomach issues there is a high likelihood that they are having a reaction to the premilk, this is a thin white fluid discharged from the breasts at the beginning of milk production, which is full of sugar and can irritate a baby’s stomach.  It is suggested to get rid of the initial premilk and then innitiate breast-feeding so your newborn will only drink the hindmilk,  which contains less sugar.  This will significantly decrease the stomach issues your child experiences.

NOT LATCHING ON:  If your baby is not latching on correctly your newborn will not get the nutrition necessary for increased body weight.  It is recommended to take the baby of and on until he or she latches on properly.  You can do so by putting your finger under her chin to feel her chin moving.  You will also want to look for a wiggle at her ears when he or she eats and to listen to your baby swallowing to ensure that the baby is receiving the milk properly.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommend moms breast-feed for at least a year, especially the first 6 months.  Since the milk contains antibodies to fight infection and develop a healthy immune system, there are significant health benefits for the baby such as: fewer cases of ear infections, reduction in the amount of possbile respitory problems and less gastrointestinal problems.  It is noted that children also do better academically later in life if they were breastfed and received the nutritional benefits in the early developmental stages of their life.

Visit www.TruePotentialCounseling.com for more details.

Prakrita Questionnaire

Select the choices that best match your tendencies over the span of your lifetime.

Physical Stature:  V) Slim or slender, tall or short, tissues not well developed; P) Moderately developed body, medium built; K) well built, stout, stocky

Weight: V) light weight, if weight is gained the pounds are easily shed; P) Medium weight, average good muscles, does not gain weight easily; K) Heavy, easy to gain weight and very difficult to lose.

Chest: V) thin, small, narrow rib cage; P) Medium; K) large, thick, cool and firm

Hands: V) long, thin, dry, cold or rough; P) medium, warm and pink; K) large, thick, cold and firm

Fingers: V) long, thin and narrow; P) medium, pink and pointed; K) large, thick stocky fingers

Face: V) oval, narrow; P) triangular, pointed chin, prominent jaw line; K) round, large, soft contoured

Complexion: V) dull darkish; P) red, ruddy, warm, oily; K) White, pale, smooth

Eyes: V) small, dark, active and unsteady; P) medium, sharp, penetrating, blue of green; K) big, beautiful, calm

Nails: V) brittle, break easily, dry, rough; P) sharp, flexible, pink, lusterous; K) thick, oily, smooth

Lips: V) thin, dry, darkish, small; P) red, medium, soft, nice curves; K) large, full, smooth, white, oily

Joints: V) cold, cracking, small; P) medium, loose; K) large, thick, deep seated

Legs: V) thin, excessively long or short, prominent joints; P) Medium; K) large, big, stocky

Activities: V) always on the go, very active, quick, hyper; P) purposeful, thoughtful, motivated, goal-seeking; K) steady, slow, relaxed

Stamina/Strength: V) low stamina, poor endurance, getts tired after some activity; P) Medium; K) good endurance, can keep working for a long time

Speech: V) quick, talkative, wrratic, inconsistent; P) specific, convincing, argumentative; K) slow, not very talkative, not to the point, good listener

Voice: V) weak, hoarse, low; P) sharp, high pitch, loud; K) good tone, deep, easy to listen to, could be loose due to congestion

Appetite: V) variable, goes up or down; can feel anxious without food; P) strong, does nto do well skipping a meal, sharp; K) low, can easily skip a meal

Digestion: V) irregular, can form gas P) quick, can cause burning K) prolonged, can form mucus

Bowel Movements: V) constipation P) regular but can sometimes be loose  K) regular, can be thick or oily

Sleep: V) interrupted, scanty or insomnia, wakes up at 3:00am P) little sleep K) heavy, prolonged sleep, difficluty waking up

Dreams: V) dreams often, active dreams, flying, jumping, sometimes nightmares P)  passionate, fiery, war, vivid colors K) romantic, pretty, sentimental, not many dreams

Weather Preferences: V) humid, warm weather P) cooler weather K) dry, warm weather

Temperment: V) lively and enthusiastic by nature, change is good P) purposeful and intense K) accepting, supportive and easy going

Under Stress: V) can be fearful, feel anxiety, can be flexible, can feel uncertain P) can feel anger, can feel jealousy, feel very determined K) feels calm, can feel attachment, can feel greedy

Memory: V) recent good but forgets quickly P) I remember what I want, and never forget K) remembers slowly but then never forget

Resistance: V) weak immune system, gets sick frequently P) moderate immune system, prone to infections K) do not get sick very easily, strong immune system

Disorder Tendencies: V) pain, constipation, nervous system, arthritis, mental disorders P) fevers, inflammatory disorders, skin disorders, heartburn K) respiratory disorders, allergies or mucus, weight gain, digestive problems

VATA _______                   PITA ________         KAPHA _______

Helpful links to find out what is the best diet and lifestyle:

Vata: http://www.ayurbalance.com/explore_vatalifestyle.htm

            http://www.ayurbalance.com/explore_vatadiet.htm

            http://www.whatsyourdosha.com/vatadiet.htm

            http://www.ayur.com/dosha/vata.html

Pita:   http://www.ayurbalance.com/explore_pittadiet.htm

            http://www.ayurbalance.com/explore_pittalifestyle.htm

            http://hubpages.com/hub/The_Best_Diet_For_Pitta_Dosha_Type

            http://www.whatsyourdosha.com/pittadiet.htm

Kapha:  http://www.ayurbalance.com/explore_kaphadiet.htm

                http://www.ayurbalance.com/explore_kaphalifestyle.htm

                http://www.whatsyourdosha.com/kaphadiet.htm

Visit www.TruePotentialCounseling.com for more details.

How can these conflicts in romantic or marital relationships be resolved reasonably if we can’t instantaneously and rationally understand why we are triggered?  How can we even begin to resolve the conflict if we can’t authentically connect with or articulate to our partner our primary emotions?  Our primary emotion is are the authentic and vulnerable feelings when we are experiencing emotional or physical pain.  These emotions include: hurt, sadness, shame, fear and loneliness.  Typically when we are in an activated state we automatically resort to our secondary emotion as a form of self-preservation.  Our secondary emotions include: anger, frustration, jealousy, irritability, or distaste.  Some common behaviors include: intellectualizing, avoiding, rationalizing, justifying, defending, explaining, judging, critiquing, criticizing, blaming or finding fault in our partner.  As a result the couple may spiral into a familiar and negative pattern of communication like the blame game, a demon dialogue, or withdrawal.  In the moment this seems like the safer and easier option; however, this form of “safety” comes at a great cost…the love, security and connection you desperately long to have with your partner. 

When couple’s come to that fork in the road, they are deciding to either break-up or seek help and alleviate the cycle of pain and hurt in the relationship.  Fortunately, Emotionally Focused Therapy is an effective approach that not only assists couples in creating a healthy routine in their communication patterns, but also promotes awareness, authentic communication and a deeper connection within the relationship.  For more information on couple’s therapy and resources please visit www.TruePotentialCounseling.com. Photo provided by http://www.kellyandersonphotography.com/

Visit www.TruePotentialCounseling.com for more details.

Visit www.TruePotentialCounseling.com for more details.

Visit www.TruePotentialCounseling.com for more details.

Visit www.TruePotentialCounseling.com for more details.

What students, parents and other adults can do when they see this behavior?  Evidence shows that bullying peaks in middle school and contrary to societal beliefs, female bullying is on the rise.  Parents can help develop and increase self-esteem of the child and learn effective parents and communication skills.  Teaching values and principles of respect, trust, understanding, communication, self-esteem, how to cooperate and defend themselves, turn schools into genuine communities, teach kindness. 

Olweus Bullying Prevention Program was implemented in 1983 in Norway after 2 teenage victims of bullying committed suicide.  In order to address this pressing problem in the school system, teachers, janitors, and bus drivers were all trained in identifying instances of bullying and taught how to intervene.  In addition, children in every grade participated in a weekly classroom discussion about friendship and conflict and parents were involved in the process from the beginning.  As a result of this “It Takes a Village To Raise a Child” philosophy reports of being bullied and bullying of others was drastically reduced by 50%.  Not only did the peer and teacher ratings of bullying problems yield similar results, but there was also a marked reductions in student reports of general antisocial behavior, such as vandalism, fighting, theft, and truancy.  There were clear improvements in the classroom social climate, as reflected in students’ reports of improved order and discipline, more positive social relationships, and more positive attitudes toward schoolwork and school.  Dr. Dan Olweus, is the pioneer of bully prevention and more information can be found on http://www.olweus.org.

By society choosing not to tolerate bullying and the community taking action in addressing this issue directly, not only will improvements be found in the school community, but in our community generations to come.  Parents can decrease the odds of violent or bullying behavior by creating a nurturing environment where the child feels loved, important, safe and secure.  A strong and secure attachment with parents and other role models enables a child to explore the world and establish healthy relationships with others.  Encouraging empathy at an early age is paramount.  On the contrary, parental neglect, abuse, a highly critical or chaotic home life may have the opposite effect.  Children who are exposed to violence at home are more likely to bully.  Student learning leadership and respect skills so they can have the skills to think independently, develop awareness and mindfulness skills so they can speak to a school representative, stand up for the underdog.  The help that is available and how my approach can assist children and adolescents affected by bullying or past traumas.

This morning I was interviewed on NPR on the subject of bullying behaviors and how we as a society can address this issue and how to recognize the signs.  http://kjzz.org/news/arizona/archives/201008/ME_Bullying.  Please feel free to comment your thoughts below.

Visit www.TruePotentialCounseling.com for more details.

Contrary to the bullying of the past, where bullies would be a few key recognizable individuals or gangs that posed a threat, the bullies of today use a variety of emotionally and physically abusive behaviors that negatively impact the self-esteem of fellow classmates.  Some behaviors consist of verbal insults, threats, pushing, shoving, grabbing, slapping,  kicking, biting, hitting, treats with knifes or guns, using knifes or guns, and theft.  Unfortunately, bullying exists because it works and is positively reinforced by the sense of power and importance gained after a victimization of another person has taken place.  It is vitally important for children at an early age to gain a sense of importance through nurturing, quality time and love from parents and positive role models as a preventative measure for future bullying.

On the contrary, in the 1940′s the major discipline concerns of the time were: talking out of turn, chewing gum, making noise, running in the hall, cutting in line, dress code violations, and littering.  In the 1950’s the image of bullying is clearly depicted in the hit t.v. show Little Rascals that portrays Butch as the neighborhood tyrant, regularly tormenting members of the fun-loving mischievous group.

In the 1990′s the top disciplinary problems in schools had shifted dramatically to: drug abuse, alcohol abuse, pregnancy, suicide, rape, robbery and assault.   On April 20, 1999 the world watched in shock the massacre at Columbine High School.  As a result of relentless bullying these children took the law into their own hands and retaliated with the use of violence and killed several students and teachers on campus.  And today in 2010’s after the death of Pheobe Prince, we are reevaluating as a society the effects of bullying on the livelyhood of our youth.  The associated press/MTV conducted a survey on “sexting” which revealed that 30% of 14-24 year olds had been involved in some sort of sexual text-messaging and 18% had received a naked picture or video of someone they knew from that person.  With today’s modern technology electronic media has yielded another mode of attack: cyberbullying, such as intimidating someone via text messaging, email or posting on social media sites such as MySpace of Facebook.

From a research study conducted by Snell and Volokh in 2005 it is hypothesized that what causes of bullying and intimidation is due to: poverty, breakdown of families, domestic violence, child abuse, society-wide violence, drug culture, population mobility (anonymity), violent cultural imagery, materialism and advertising, competitiveness and high expectations from parent (which leads to loss of the child’s identity).

In order to address the bullying epidemic we need to address various components of the behavior.  First, creating a sense of community and accountability in our society by adopting and proactively applying the principles that it takes a villiage to raise a child.  Secondly, in the schools by incorporating education on communication, self-esteem, respect, trust, empathy, conflict resolution skills as well as a disciplinary system that sets clear expectations and consequences for bullying behavior.  Parents teaching these same principles at home and seeking parent training courses so they can create an effective framework in the home environment.  Lastly and most importantly, the child working with with a counselor and/or mentor to improve self-esteem, build up confidence, learn effective strategies, develop assertiveness skills, and the discernment to choose friends that foster and support their personal growth.

If you are interested in finding out more information, please visit my website at www.TruePotentialCounseling.com

As a parent some common warning signs if your child is a victim of bullying may be: depression, anxious avoidance of settings in which bullying occurs, a greater incident of illness, lower grades, suicidal thoughts and feelings, overly stressed, social withdrawal or isolation, and/or angery outbursts.  If these issues are not addressed the long-term effects for the child may include: reduced occupational opportunities, difficulty trusting others, lingering feelings of anger and bitterness, interpersonal difficulties (fear and avoidance of new social situations), increased tendency to be a loner, perception of self as easy to victimize, overly sensitive, and self-esteem problems.

The common signs to recognize if your child is a bully are: lying at least in part in the home setting, being abusive, narcissistic tendencies, sadistic in nature, destructive, violent acts, perpetrating upon victims, a ring-leader, aggressive behavior, dominant demeanor, treating people as though they are objects either to be used or disguarded, stealing, cheating, instills fear in others, underlined feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, appearing overly confident or cocky, and involved in cliches or gangs.

If you or a loved one has been effected by bullying and are in need of counseling, please feel free to contact me to schedule an appointment today.

For more information you can visit my website at www.TruePotentialCounseling.com.

When living in a fast paced society or city, where social norms and internal habits encourage us to be on automatic pilot, it may require a willingness to live life with intention and practice.  In choosing to look within for direction rather than using the external world as a compass, you may discover that you are more grounded, peaceful and present than you ever thought imaginable.  Try it out and see for yourself.  Dr. Dan Siegel, who is a mindfulness practitioner and psychotherapist explains the benefits of mindfulness and how it can be incorporated into you daily life.

For more information please visit my website at www.TruePotentialCounseling.com

1.  Deep breathing. Deep breathing encourages relaxation and relieves stress by lowering heart rate and blood pressure and easing muscle tension.  This allows us to slow down our sympathetic system (the accelerator) and allows the parasympathetic system (the brakes) to kick into gear.

2.  Improve your diet. Eliminate sugar, refined carbohydrates, processed foods and alcohol. Either completely eliminate or severely reduce caffeine intake as caffeine is a stimulant which stresses the adrenals.  Focus on clean protein (including nuts and seeds), which balances blood sugar and produces adrenaline; fresh fruits and vegetables, which are rich in vitamin C, bioflavonoid and minerals – fuel for the adrenals; beans and legumes which are fiber-rich and stabilize blood sugar and healthy fats, which also regulate blood sugar and fight inflammation.

3.  Adequate and Restful Sleep.  Take time to rest and refresh yourself every day.  It is recommended to avoid any visually stimulating activities 1-2 hours before bedtime, such as using the computer or watching television.  These tend to activate the mind  making it more difficult for the central nervous system to calm down.  Unplugging from the routine by going for a walk outdoors, listening to your favorite music or reading a book can help bring you back into balance.  Your adrenals are replenished between 11pm and 1am, so it is recommended to go to bed by 10pm to allow your adrenals to recharge.  If insomnia is a problem, taking 10-30 milligrams of zinc before bed may help as well as reduce cortisol levels.  Moreover, there is also an anti-stress drink powder called Natural Calm to balance calcium intake and restore healthy magnesium levels is especially helpful with improving sleep.  Hypnotherapy is also a very useful approach to improving sleep and calming the body on a deeper level during waking and sleeping hours.

4.  Specific Supplements. A good, whole food multi that contains vitamins and minerals, which are particularly important for adrenal health.  At Wholefoods there is an amazing product called GREENSuperFood which provides your body with a rich array of vitamins and minerals.  Vitamins C and B-complex, which are especially nourishing to the adrenals and green drinks like wheat grass and spirulina, an alkalizing source of trace minerals, protein and fiber;  inflammation-reducing omega-3’s like cod liver, krill or flax seed oils; and the amino acid L-glutamine to improve your intestine’s absorption of nutrients that can be compromised during stress.  Adaptogenic herbs such as astragalus, rhodiola and Tulsi or Holy Basil are also nourishing to the adrenals and help your body adapt to stress.

5.  Water.  Adequate hydration is necessary for overall health.  The basic formula is one-half your body weight in ounces daily.  For example, if you are 150lbs., drinking a daily dose of 75 oz of water is advised.  If you exercise or live in a climate that is especially hot or humid, drinking an additional 16 oz. is beneficial for optimal health.

6.  Manage stress.  A stream of negative thoughts leads to overproduction of stress hormones.  Becoming aware of your thought patterns is number one.  Prayer, meditation, faith confessions, praise, worship, practicing mindfulness, yoga and gratitude are excellent methods of stress management.

7.  Regular exercise. Exercise a great way to release endorphins and stress.  And it is free.  Just remember to keep it moderate to low in intensity so you don’t stress the adrenals any further.  It is ideal to exercise before 8:30am instead of in the evening, since this allows the adrenals to redevelop more quickly and help you manage stress more effectively throughout the day instead of taxing your system at night.

For more information please visit my website at www.TruePotentialCounseling.com.

For more information please visit my website at www.TruePotentialCounseling.com

Height and Weight Table for Women

Lifestyle factors that can increase your chances of fertility is: not smoking, not consuming caffeine, reducing alcohol use, and eliminating vaginal douching from your routine.  Some environmental factors such as exposure to estrogen-like chemicals (i.e. soy milk has large dosages of estrogen), if you have been diagnosed with cervical cancer, if you have been exposed to Bisphenol A a chemical that is used for many plastic food containers and bottles, exposure to soft plastics such as Phthalates specifically dibutyl phthalate (DBP) that are found in cosmetics, exposure to pesticides which are widely used for most fruits and vegatables, exposure to electromagnetic waves or microwave emissions, and lastly high levels of stress can lead to potential intertility problems.  Brought to you by Andrea Cairella, MC, LPC with True Potential Counseling.  For more information please visit my website at www.TruePotentialCounseling.com

Some useful tips to help improve your sleep hygiene are:  a) to drink chamomile or relaxation tea before bedtime, b) to create a get ready for sleep routine (such as taking a warm bath), c) to avoiding any visually stimulating activities 1-2 hours before bedtime, such as using the computer or watching television, d) having a consistent bedtime and wake-up time (i.e. at or before 10pm since your stress regulating adrenals are replenishing between 11pm and 1am); e)   to unplug from the routine by going for a walk outdoors, listening to your favorite music or reading a book; f) to take 10-30 milligrams of zinc before bed may help as well as reduce cortisol levels and/or taking an anti-stress drink powder called Natural Calm to restore healthy magnesium levels thus improving sleep; g) or to do a hypnotherapy session with a trained professional; h) to keep a sleep diary; i) to only use your bed for sleep and sex; j) to make your bedroom the right temperature and dark; k) reduce or eliminate caffeine from your diet.

For more information please visit my website at www.TruePotentialCounseling.com

In order to emanate an accurate frequency of our inner light, it is important to be introspective.  Although your intentions may come from a very loving place, if your tone of voice, facial expressions, word choices, and the demeanor you project do not reflect what you are intending to communicate to the world, the message can often become lost or misunderstood.  Therefore, when you go out into the world to spread your light be mindfully aware of your words and actions so your light can shine brightly and be a ray of hope to the lives of those around you.

Although using these somatic sounds may push you outside of your comfort zone they are an incredible tool to healing your heart, mind, body and soul.  Try it today and feel the good vibrations from the inside out.

Other physical steps you can take concurrently on your own are cleaning out your garage to make space for a new car you want, taking a tour of a home to feed your fantasies or think of the qualities you want in a mate and living up to that list yourself.  Another simple activity is creating a vision board.  A vision board consists of using your imagination and adding the emotional feeling of abundance and possibilities as you cut out images from magazines that represent experiences, personal characteristics, people and opportunities you would like to have in your life.  This method allows you to place an order with the universe, manifesting your future dreams right now and anticipate the treasures to come.

When we uproot ourselves from the familiar we may feel a combination of exhilaration for the transformation ahead while also feeling as if we are leaving not only the intimate relationships and memories, but also a vital part of ourselves behind.  As you become established in a new place, you may initially feel lost; however, with time and new memories your roots can start to grow again.  One way to be free from the external changes in circumstances is to carry your home within you, to become your own foundation, and to allow the place you are in to touch your heart.  Listening to your heart is your compass as you choose a place that fulfills you and provides you with peace.  If you feel disconnected from where you once thought of as home may be a signal that you are ready to move on.  You will find home when the physical environment and energetic surroundings are in harmony with the person you are within.

Although these expectations can be a source of stability and vision, they can also limit our scope and deplete us from pleasure of the experience.  Because of our emotional attachments to outcomes, we create a constriction in our muscles and an internal angst that prohibits us from accessing the infinite possibilities available to us.  By letting go of expectations, we can create a more expansive framework that allows for options to unfold naturally.  One of the pitfalls to expectations is that whenever we fights against reality we will lose 100% of the time; however, when we choose to let go of our expectations, we can free ourselves up and open our hearts and minds to a variety of possible outcomes.

Life can throw us many curve balls; however, sometimes what initially appears to be an unexpected turn for the worse may become an undiscovered treasure.  My friend shared with me that she was unable to go through her job orientation this morning because her fingerprints results had not come in; thus preventing her from working and getting paid for the next two weeks until the next orientation.  Although most people’s reaction to this major speed bump would range from irritability to anxiety, her reaction was of acceptance and seeing what possibilities lied in store for her (i.e. relaxation, temporary job, a vacation, etc.). Her response was of pure acceptance of her predicament, thus allowing her to powerfully proceed and take next step forward.

Acceptance can appear more difficult to embrace than change because it requires us to fully face, feel and experience what is.  More often than not we are so quick to change, fix and make it different than what in reality it is that we often negate the acceptance piece of the puzzle.  It is like flying to Canada without first knowing what country you are in.  First we need to accept who we are and/or where we are at, before we can change ourselves and/or relocate to a new location. Two very significant skills that can assist us in entering into acceptance mode are: mindfulness and distress tolerance skills which are clearly outlined in Marsha Linehan’s Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Handbook and are typically taught in a group setting over the course of 6 months to 1 year.  Her video below describes the balance between acceptance and change.

This topic, acceptance and change reminds me of a very poignant story of a man who spent his entire lifetime intending to fix, change and improve the world, while forgetting the most significant factor required for change to occur.  “When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.  I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.  When I found I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn’t change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.  Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.”

Often times we attach to people, titles, things and worries to give us an false sense of comfort, control, importance and stability; however, due to the constant changes taking place all around us, permanence is unpredictable.  Therefore, it is good practice to learn the art of letting go of our attachments.  One can simply begin this practice by gathering things around the house that are no longer needed and choosing to give them away or donating them to charity.  An even greater endeavor is to release items that you find valuable.  In doing so, you may feel an inner shift take place as you set yourself free.  It can be very liberating to detach yourself from things that no longer serve a purpose in your life and are in actuality weighing you down.  Although this may seem counter-intuitive to those who like being in control, doing so replaces your false sense of certainty with an inner sense of power independent of possessions or outcomes.

Our attachments to the expectations we have of ourselves, situations and others, can also have damaging effects often leading to frustration, conflict and dissatisfaction.  Some suggestions to avoid such pitfalls are: 1)to accept what is as opposed to what you want it to be, 2) to explore the meaning that you have attached to that particular situation, 3) to gain perspective and understanding of the event, and 4) to discover the potential lessons that can be learned from the experience.   For example, someone who is a perfectionist is attached to a fear of failure or a fear of making mistakes.  However, if this person shifted their focus and accepted themselves as they are and allowed themselves to reframe a mistake as a lesson learned instead of as a failure they would be able to gain a sense of inner peace that is rooted in love as opposed to fear and would be free to take risks and chances that they otherwise may have never taken.   Just remember life is like a dance.  Nobody cares if you can’t dance well.  Just get up, let go and boggie.

Another option is to identify a negative behavior pattern and explore the beliefs associated with that negative behavior.  Afterwords you can then create an alternative behavior patterns, the new beliefs associated with those behaviors and future behaviors that may ensue.   In reviewing the negative behavior pattern with the new behavioral pattern, you can take decisive action in your behaviors, beliefs and how you feel.  If you’d like more information you can refer to the video on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).